From the eyes of an outcast

"The world doth move in mysterious ways" (Quote from Night at the museum 2 - Nice movie actually)

How often have you just scrummaged through zillions of things to just find that one small thing that had been archived long long ago, just to relive that precious treasured moment of yours?? I have done that. Many times too. So here we are, back again.

A cousin didi of mine had come today, when she reminded me of this writing of mine from an year ago. After reactivating and deactivating my Facebook account twice, I finally found the only copy lying in a note of mine. So here you have it, a piece of writing from The Original Soni, unplugged-

(Its pretty long, but I prefer it that way instead of broken into paragraphs)

Nobody ever sees me. Even when they see me, they don’t actually see me. I have almost everything that any other boy would have but yet I have nothing. A perfect family that treats me like nothing. Every game imaginable but nobody to play with. Three sisters, who are busier by themselves and people who ignore me. I have plenty of friends, but none of them are humans. I am my only and best human friend. The only thing that actually doesn’t ignore me is my room. I don’t like many things and many things don’t like me. I don’t go out to play, as I dislike the games and the boys dislike me. I have no brother or anyone else with whom I can play or share my thoughts. So the only thing I share my thoughts with is my diary. My digital diary, that is. I allow nobody to enter my room and nobody ever wants to enter my room either. People call me weird, but I don’t know why. I don’t see anything wrong in myself. I am a bit lonely, but that’s not so bad too. I kind of like being so lonely. It makes me feel a strange kind of satisfaction. I often see outside my window. Not the other people, though. I dislike them. I often sit at my window for hours, watching the sun, the moon, the stars, the sky, the trees and the birds. It’s a lot of fun trying to imitate their noises. It seems to me that apart from my room and my belongings, only these things are my friends. I like taking pictures. Often I take a lot of pictures of Nature and then keep it on my laptop. I sit on my laptop for only about 6 hours a day. All day, I play “Age of empires” or “Call of duty”. Though not with other players. Other people think I’m strange. They think I’m mad. So I avoid them everywhere. Even though I can beat almost every other player in the world, I prefer playing against computer opponents. Nobody ever understands me. Nobody ever tries to understand me. So I always sit silently in my room. Sometimes I lie down too. All the time I am thinking to myself. About myself, about others, about the things I did, about the things I want to do. About everything. I don’t go to school either. The teachers think I’m stupid, but I can easily understand every lesson. So I study at home, alone. No tuition teacher ever comes to me. I can understand all lessons on my own. Also, I don’t want to even meet them. I’m 16 now and students of my age are in Class 10 by now. But I’m far more intelligent than any of them. For nearly 10 years, I have been studying straightaway from the books that my father brings to me every week. I see nobody, except my father, who asks for the names of books I wanted every Friday and brings them by Sunday. I mostly eat my food in my room. Sometimes, I go down to eat in the dining room, but that rarely happens. I hear no voice except my mother’s; when she tells me that food is ready, so that I take in my plate of food from outside the door, where she keeps it. After eating, I keep the plate back outside my room. I don’t know what happens to it after that. I like reading too. I read 2 books daily and have a collection of around 500 books. I have read many books. I have read books of all kinds. I like reading them. My books are the only way I learn anything at all. I often write too. I write many stories, poems, essays etc. But nobody ever sees it. I show it to nobody either. But I like writing too. At my laptop, all I do is play. I don’t surf the internet. When I do, it is only for information on any topic or for new games. Otherwise, I rarely surf the net. No, I’m not on any social networking sites either. I like best to be kept to myself. Sometimes I don’t know what to do. At other times, I am filled with things that want to do. I don’t see movies. I don’t go out. I don’t play outdoor games. Yet I’m happy with what I am. Sometimes, I do feel very bad but then it happens sometimes only. I don’t know why I feel bad. Maybe I want to meet people, but I dislike them. I don’t want to share anything with anyone, yet I want to. I can control myself. I just want to be with people. Why? But that happens only sometimes. At other times, I sit by myself, thinking. I don’t feel bad then. Yet I want to break out of my room. I want to get away from the only thing that loves me to the people who hate me. I can’t understand the reason for that. Only I try to control myself. I will never get out to these people, even if it means staying in my room forever. After all, it is MY room. I have everything I want here. There is nothing else that I want more, except the books that my father brings. This is my story. All I want to say. I don’t want anyone to read this, even though I have written this. All I wanted was to tell my feeling to someone. And now my laptop knows about my feelings. It’s not a real person, but it is just as good. Only it never speaks to me or consoles me when I cry to myself. Yet it is my best buddy. My only buddy. And so it will forever be...

The Original Soni

Date – 1 April 2011

Note - The writing was definitely a piece of fiction. But what struck me the most was the fact that when I read it again now, I had been doing exactly the same thing when it came to having dinners now.